Losing Yourself in the Fight

One of the hardest parts of going through chemotherapy is losing your hair. It’s not just hair, it’s a part of who you are, a reflection of your identity, your style, and your confidence. But when chemo starts, it often takes that away, strand by strand.

Hair loss during chemotherapy it called chemotherapy-induced alopecia, and it happens because of how hair grows and how chemo works.

Chemotherapy works by targeting fast-growing cells, which is how it fights cancer. But your hair follicles, tiny homes that grow hair, are also fast growing. So, the same drugs that help fight the cancer also attack your hair follicles, making your hair fall out.

Understanding the Anatomy of Hair Loss:

Your hair grows in cycles from tiny structures under the skin called hair follicles.

1. Anagen Phase (Growth Phase): Most of your hair (about 85–90%) is in this phase at any given time, actively growing.

2. Catagen Phase (Transition Phase): A brief phase when growth slows.

3. Telogen Phase (Resting Phase): Hair rests before falling out naturally.

4. Exogen Phase (Shedding Phase): The phase where hair is shed from the scalp, often helped along by washing and brushing (Healthline).

At first, it might start as a few strands on your pillow or in your brush. But soon, it comes out in handfuls, and then all at once. There’s no preparing for that moment, the shock of looking in the mirror and seeing someone you don’t recognize.

It’s not just the hair itself. It’s what it represents. It’s the confidence, the memories, the sense of normalcy. Suddenly you feel different, marked, like the whole world can see you’re fighting this battle. And in that fight, it feels like a part of you gets lost.

I think about the experience I had, how I felt stripped of my femininity, how even the best wig or headscarf can’t quite replace the way my own hair used to feel. It’s like wearing a costume that doesn’t quite fit, a reminder that something’s missing.

But here’s the thing: no war veteran ever came home looking exactly the same. Battle leaves its marks. It’s the same with cancer treatment: it leaves scars, inside and out. And while you might not come back looking like a beauty queen or with a glossy magazine cover look, you come back with a story. You come back with strength.

In the mirror, you might see someone different. But inside, you’re still you: fighting, surviving, and one day, thriving.

So be gentle with yourself. Let yourself grieve that loss, but also give yourself credit. Because even with no hair, you’re still beautiful. You’re still you. And you are still so, so strong.

Sources:

American Cancer Society. "Coping with Hair Loss." American Cancer Society, 2024, https://www.cancer.org/cancer/managing-cancer/side-effects/hair-skin-nails/hair-loss/coping-with-hair-loss.html

Healthline. "What Are the Four Stages of Hair Growth?" Healthline, 2024

https://www.healthline.com/health/stages-of-hair-growth